Why cheat?

Adultery makes sex hotter.

The world would be a better place if more people cheated on their spouses. That probably sounds like a radical statement. One that almost everyone in the world would disagree with on principle. But hear me out and let me make my case.

Marriage has a lot of benefits but almost no one ever claims that it improves a couple’s sex life. You probably remember when you first met your partner. You were attracted to them, but weren’t sure whether it was a flirtation or something more. There was an element of risk and uncertainty that drove you to up your game. You wanted to look better, to be funnier, and act sexier. You thought about them all the time. Your body ached for them. And everything about the sex was amazing.

Then you formalized it and things fell into a routine. Maybe you thought that commitment could freeze the fire of that sexual tension in place and preserve it in amber. Only afterwords did you discover that the commitment you made removed the requirement to keep trying to lure them in in favor of stability. While stability has innumerable advantages, almost everyone still thinks back to the first weeks and months that they were with their partner as the most magical time in their relationship. This is because in the beginning there was risk and now there’s none.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

What if we lived in a world where the commitment to stability didn’t mean sexual monogamy? Would you put more effort into the relationship if you thought your spouse might sleep with other people? Or, more to the point, would you be more attracted to them if they did?

While much of the world publicly shames people who cheat on their partners, many of those same people are also secretly turned on by it. Because while marriage and commitment turn down the heat in a sex life, infidelity has the capacity to fire it back up.

Part of that is the taboo, of course. Cheating is more alluring because it’s off limits. Breaking the marital boundary is risky in terms of the public shame that might come from it and also because it potentially upends the stability you tried to hard to establish. Yet, isn’t it amazing that millions of people know the risks and still engage in affairs despite them?

There’s a better way to preserve the sexual fire than strict monogamy—consensual infidelity. Part of the reason that the stag/vixen and hotwife lifestyles have spread so far on the internet and in real life is that many people have realized that they want to bring back a little bit of risk into their relationship. They love the stability of marriage. They also want to see that other people find their partner’s attractive and feel how their their partner comes alive under another person’s touch. With luck and communication their partner will bring that fire back into the marital bedroom.

In other words, you don’t stay monogamous because you love your partner. You cheat on them because you love them.

Of course ,it takes a strong couple to understand the power of infidelity. Most monogamous people consider cheating akin to a crime. Indeed, in many legal jurisdictions it is a crime. Many people so value stability that they are willing to hold onto so tightly that it suffocates. They douse water on the embers of passion because they feel insufficient in their own capacity to attract a mate.

But the world could be different. What if every married person you met was potentially available under the right conditions? What if seducing someone’s wife or sleeping with their husband actually helped make their marriage stronger, instead of being the impetus to tear it apart?

More than that: what if you helped you flipped the script and actually helped your partner cheat? Could you find a way to enjoy the process of giving up control knowing that you would have the best sex of your life when they come back?

If so, maybe consider sharing this role play script with them. Read it together and let me know how it went.

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